When it comes to
dogs, owners sometimes have tunnel vision, seeing the world only from the
perspective of their own dog or their own dog-training experience. This
often leads to owners tossing out sentences that, in an ideal world, would
never be uttered. Yet these words are clues to a bigger issue, or a situation
that's about to become an issue, including not fully understanding dog
behavior, social cues, body language,
or simply good manners toward other dogs and dog owners.
Training
yourself is the most productive strategy for improving the behavior of your dog
-- as well as other dogs that your dog socializes with -- because you are such
a big influencer of behavior, even when you don't realize you're influencing
your dog's actions.
Dr. Patricia
McConnell writes in her book "The Other End
of the Leash: Why We Do What We Do Around Dogs," "Focusing
on the behavior at our end of the leash isn't a new concept in dog training.
Most professional dog trainers actually spend very little time working with
other people's dogs; most of our time is spent training humans. Take it from
me, we're not the easiest species on the block to train."
But it doesn't
have to feel daunting. Training yourself can become easier if you're truly
seeing your thought process about your own dog and dogs you pass on the street.
Once you recognize how you think about them, you can more
easily influence what you think about them. And once you do
that, better interactions will follow.
All dog owners
have been guilty of saying at least one, if not several of the phrases below.
Of course none of us are perfect, and "should never" is basically an
impossible aspiration. But if you catch yourself saying one of the phrases
below, it might be time to ask yourself why you’re saying it and use it as a
training opportunity to fine-tune how you're really viewing your dog and his
behaviors. Here are 11 examples of things dog owners often say that should
spark wariness about what's really going on.
"It's
okay, my dog is friendly."
This is often said by an owner whose dog is approaching (or charging up to)
another dog or person. The owner is perhaps trying to calm potential fears that
their dog has negative intentions, because maybe that other owner or dog looks
nervous. Even worse, the owner uttering this phrase may not have any control
whatsoever over how their dog is approaching others and is just hoping that
everything goes well. If you need to say this phrase, then it’s possible
you’re letting your dog get away with some bad, potentially dangerous manners.
This is also a
common response from an owner whose dog is approaching another dog/human pair
that is actually asking to maintain some distance. Frankly, it doesn’t matter
if your dog is friendly or not — if someone asks for space, it’s for a good
reason. Their dog might be fearful, reactive, injured, in training, or simply
not want anything to do with your dog.
Just because
your dog is "friendly" doesn't mean he automatically has permission
to approach another dog or a person, nor should his unlikeliness to bite or
pick a fight be an excuse for poor manners. If you find yourself assuring
people that your dog is friendly, then it may be a good opportunity to look at
the bigger picture about what exactly is happening and if your dog is being,
well, far too friendly.
"Oh, my
dog would never bite."
Famous last
words — and words every UPS delivery person hates to hear because they are
filled with naive confidence. Your dog might be the world's most goofy, loving
dog but to quote a favorite song, "Never say never." (The irony of
saying this in light of the title of this article isn't lost on me.) In fact,
saying your dog would never do something is a red flag signaling
misunderstanding, or worse, denial, about what your dog thinks or feels about
the world and how that might change with age, illness, new family members or
other experiences. But assuming your dog would never bite is perhaps the most
dangerous assumption to make, since it makes you lax about monitoring
interactions that could have serious consequences.
If your dog has
a mouth and any sense of what is going on in the world around her, she can and
just might bite if pushed. It's better to know this fact and respect your dog's
capabilities, comfort zones and boundaries just in case, than act as if the
scenario could never pop up.
"It's
not my dog's fault."
Maybe it isn't,
but maybe it is. On the one hand, there are a lot of dogs that get the blame
for reacting to the instigation of another dog. The biggest of the dogs, or the
loudest, or the one of a certain breed, or the one that ends up on the winning
end often gets blamed. However, there is a large portion of the dog-owning
population who say, "It wasn't my dog's fault" and they are totally,
completely, and utterly wrong. Not only wrong, but as much at fault as their
dog who indeed started the altercation.
This phrase is
uttered too often by people who have little experience reading dog body
language, and aren't interpreting, or simply aren't paying attention to, the
signals their dog is sending out into the world. Small dog owners are an easy
example; because the dog is small, many owners think it's acceptable — or
worse, cute — when their dog stares at, postures at, growls at, or lunges at
other nearby dogs. Their dog is small and can't do a whole lot of damage (or is
easy to drag by the leash or pick up off the ground) when they act out. Sadly,
though, it is indeed this dog's fault when something happens, even though they
might be the smallest of the suspects.
So if your dog
tends to be in the middle of problems, start paying attention. It might be your
dog that is drawing in the trouble.
"Let
them work it out themselves."
This is one of
the worst things you can hear (or do) in a social situation with dogs,
especially at a dog park. There is an over-reliance on the notion that
dogs have a built-in pack savvy that they'll revert to when they're among other
dogs, so humans don't need to or shouldn't step in to manage social
interactions. But many expert dog trainers and behaviorists will point out that
a group of new dogs meeting at a dog park isn't a pack in the true sense of the
word. Further, individual dogs might not know how to give or receive cues from
each other to keep a situation from escalating. So as the social tension
builds, the humans simply standing by creates a recipe for a fight or
psychological trauma.
Some dogs are
bullies, some are fearful, some aren't so great at picking up the cut-it-out
cues from others or just ignore them, some have overactive play or prey drives,
some are resource-protective. Putting dogs with varying personalities together
and letting them "work it out" is like taking the teacher out of a
third-grade classroom and letting the kids figure it out among themselves. It's
probably going to get chaotic, and someone is going to get hurt.
Letting dogs
figure things out among themselves is important, but to an extent. Professional
dog trainer Erin Kramer points
out, "Socialization is the process of a dog teaching another dog about
proper behavior. So yes, a little education here and there about bite
inhibition or being too bossy is a critical part of canine socialization. But
any escalation beyond that, where you let dogs sort it out, teaches your dog
two things. First is, 'I can't rely on my human to protect me or stand up for
me.' And second is one of these two lessons: 'Fighting works (so I'll do it
again and again),' or 'I hate other dogs, they are scary.' Any of those
messages are the exact opposite of why you wanted your dog to socialize with
other dogs in the first place."
Leaving aside
the possibility of a serious fight, when a situation escalates and an owner
doesn't step in, there is an erosion of the trust and confidence the dog has in
his owner which can lead to other behavior problems. Responsible dog owners
don't let dogs "work it out themselves" — rather, they help their
dogs have positive social interactions by managing the play situation, making
sure all is calm and not letting things escalate. And if things do escalate,
they step in to stop it.
"There
was no warning."
There's always
warning. You just didn't see it.
"Communication
is a critical ingredient in any relationship, yet as our human interactions
show, even between two members of the same species speaking the same language,
this is not necessarily an easy matter," writes Suzanne Clothier writes
in "Bones Would
Rain From The Sky: Deepening Our Relationships with Dogs".
She explains, "The language of Dog is not unlike our own human language.
It is filled with nuance and subtleties, the sum of which -- examined within a
given context -- provide a total communication. Like our dogs, we can
communicate volumes without uttering a word, though doing so with great clarity
requires awareness of our own bodies and the subtle meanings behind
gestures."
Dogs have an
intricate though sometimes subtle body language through which they tell you and
other dogs everything they're thinking or feeling. Sometimes dogs give warning
after warning after warning before finally lashing out, and the human just
didn't know what the dog was saying or that the dog was communicating at all.
When someone's
dog is attacked at a dog park by another dog and says, "There
was no warning," what that person is really saying is, "I wasn't
paying enough attention or didn't know enough to see the signals my dog and the
other dog were sending each other and step in before things escalated."
Don't blame yourself if you didn't see it. Dog body language can be hard to
read and "conversations" can happen lightning fast. But don't say
there was no warning. Instead, ask how you missed the warning and how you might
catch it next time.
"He just
wants to play."
This might be
the case if your dog is play bowing to another dog, enticing another dog into a
game of chase with a toy or fake-bolting. But it could also be a lot more
complicated than that. This phrase is often said by owners whose dogs are being
overly exuberant, being a bully, or are otherwise pushing the boundaries of
acceptable social behavior. And often, the person saying this doesn’t know
enough about dog body language and social cues to understand when another dog
is getting fed up with their own dog's antics or, equally as problematic, their
dog is not being playful at all.
Perhaps the dog
who "wants to play" is showing nervousness about the pecking order
and is being overly submissive by face licking another dog and rolling over in
a submissive posture. Perhaps the dog who "wants to play" is being a
bully by nipping, barking at, or standing on another dog when their
"play" partner is showing signs of frustration or fear.
Saying that a
dog just wants to play too often gives an excuse for bad or potentially
dangerous social behavior. If an owner is constantly pawning off their dog’s
annoying, mean or awkward behavior as trying to be playful then it might be
time to study up on canine body language and find out what’s really going on.
"Dogs
love me."
Cue the eyeroll
from every person who owns a dog that doesn't like other humans.
Most dogs might
love you, but not all dogs do. It's just a statistical reality. Even if most
dogs seem to think you're made of tennis balls and treats, some dogs won't love
you. Not even if you really were made of tennis balls and
treats. So, if someone asks you to keep your distance from their dog, please,
for the love of DINOS, don't respond with this phrase. (A DINOS is a dog in
need of space, and an owner knows best when their dog will be uncomfortable
with you, no matter how convinced you are of your lovability.)
By assuming that
a dog will appreciate your approach, you're opening yourself up to real danger
for a bite. And even if a dog doesn't bite you, you may be causing
psychological distress to a dog that doesn't want you so close — distress that
could potentially lead to a bite later on down the road when the dog feels it
needs to protect itself from people who come charging up saying, "Dogs
love me."
"My dog
is great with kids."
All kids? All
the time? Or kids of a certain age or behavior? Kids act differently at
different ages, and your dog who might be amazing with an infant may be less
confident or patient with a bumbling, tumbling toddler with erratic,
unpredictable movements. Or your dog who is tolerant of slower toddlers might
have an over-stimulated prey drive when 7- or 8-year-olds are yelling, running
around and jumping over furniture. Or your dog who is a saint with your kids
and even the neighborhood kids might not be great when a new child comes along
and joins the group; you just don't know until the situation pops up.
Yes, your dog
might be great with kids. And if that's the case, then wonderful and three
cheers for your dog! We all want to have Lassies and Old Yellers and Good Dog
Carls. But a dog who is great with all kids, all the time is rare. What family
dogs are good at is having a high tolerance for most children, which is quite
different from being a perfect playmate or nanny. It leaves the possibility
open of your dog being pushed past their patience limits or comfort zones. So
think carefully on the various boundaries you may need to put on this statement
before you say this.
"He's a
rescue so [insert excuse for behavior here]."
Some rescued
dogs come from horrific pasts. They may have been saved from serious neglect or
abuse, or have spent time as a stray on the street. Because of this, sometimes
their past experiences are the reason why they have certain behavior issues.
But as one of my high school teachers used to say, there is always a reason but
seldom an excuse. Not all adopted dogs come with dark pasts, and not all
adopted dogs have behaviors that can be waved away or excused because of
previous experiences.
Personality
traits like shyness, timidity and mistrust are sometimes just that: personality
traits. And behavior issues like poor manners with other dogs, reactivity, or
barking at strangers can't always be attributed to the mysterious past of your
dog. Sometimes they're simply learned behaviors that need training to improve.
If you've adopted a rescued dog, then you earn a big high-five! But only if you
aren't dramatizing the dog's status as adopted and letting poor behavior sneak
by.
"He's
doing that to try and be dominant."
The whole
"dominant dog" thing has frankly gotten out of control. The word is
flung around as a way to explain practically any misbehaviour from jumping on a
person to digging through the trash to urinating on the bedspread. If your dog
jumps on you or crawls on you when you're sitting on the floor, it's more
likely that it's out of over exuberance and lack of solid training than because
he's trying to show you who is boss. Even resource protection isn't necessarily
a "dominance" issue — a dog just doesn't want to lose what he
considers valuable, like a certain toy or a bowl of food. The fear and anxiety about
that loss is as much a possible cause for a growl as a drive to be the leader
of the pack. Assertiveness, confidence, a lack of confidence, pain or illness,
excitement, exuberance, fear, mistrust, a lack of training ... there are far
more accurate ways of interpreting a dog's actions than the tired old line of
"trying to be dominant."
McConnell
writes, "Understanding social status is particularly important because
misunderstanding what 'dominance' means has led to appallingly abusive
behavior. So much old-fashioned obedience training could be summarized as, 'Do
it because I told you to, and if you don't, I'll hurt you.' The assumption
seemed to be that dogs should do what we say because we told them to; after
all, we're the humans and they're the dogs, and surely humans have more social
status than dogs." However, as McConnell goes on to point out, social
status isn't all about dominance; it is a far more complex concept than one
member of the family "pack" being the leader.
Whittling
everything down to a dominance problem means losing sight of the complexity of
social dynamics and creates blind spots for understanding behaviors. Don't let
the real reason for behaviors, and therefore appropriate and effective
solutions for training, get ignored because the word "dominance"
springs to mind ahead of anything else.
"He
knows better than that."
Does he? Or does
your dog know a certain way to behave only in a certain context? Dogs can have
a hard time translating behaviors learned in one place, like your living room,
to another place, like inside a pet store or a dog park where smells, sights,
people and energy levels are completely different. A dog that has been taught
to sit politely at your front door before exiting probably won't translate that
to sitting politely in front of any door before exiting, unless you've gone
through that exercise at tons of different doors and been consistent about it.
It even goes for a different side of your own body; if you've taught a dog to
sit on your left side but never practiced on your right side, then getting that
dog to sit on your right side will take a little more time.
To get a certain
behavior from a dog consistently despite where you are or the specifics of what
you're asking takes training the dog for that behavior in a wide variety of
settings, under a wide variety of conditions, so your dog knows that
"sit" doesn't just mean "that movement I do right before I'm
about to get a leash put on" but rather means "put my rump on the ground
no matter where I am or what is happening and keep it there until told
otherwise." So before you get upset with your dog because "he knows
better" or "he knows how to do that," take a look at the
training history and ask, does he really?
Remember, our dogs need us to be able to speak for them clearly and correctly.
Keep your tails wagging,
Bear's P4ws
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